Practical Steps from Two Models of Grief
Grief is a deeply personal and complex experience, often marked by a sense of loss and confusion. While we all grieve differently, there are models of grief that can help us to understand what the grieving process may look like, and how we may navigate through the most intense parts of our grief.
In this blog, we’ll unpack two of these frameworks: Robert Neimeyer's meaning-making model of grief, and the Dual Process Model. We will also explore how a therapist may work with you using these models, and the practical steps and strategies they offer to support grief processing and finding new meaning after loss.
These are two grief models that I draw on to support my clients with their experiences of grief, and I find they provide a helpful reminder of the universal experience that is grief, as well as opportunities to find meaning and purpose after loss.
1. Neimeyer’s Meaning Making Model of Grief
Robert Neimeyer is a grief expert who introduced a model that focuses on meaning-making in the grieving process. He suggests that part of the work of grieving is to actively construct a new narrative that integrates the loss into our life story.
This model recognises that part of grieving is finding a way to integrate the past with the present and future, which is why this model supports individuals to actively engage with their grief, and to start to transform the pain into a source of wisdom and growth.
Neimeyer’s model can help us to navigate grief with purpose, through:
Active Narrative Construction: At the heart of Neimeyer’s model is the process of actively engaging in constructing new narratives following a significant loss. These narratives help us to make sense of the loss within our life story. In grief counselling sessions that draw on Neimeyer’s model, you may be encouraged to develop new narratives around your grief.
Integrating the past, present and future: Navigating grief with purpose is about more than mourning the past. It also involves finding a way to bridge the present and the future. This means acknowledging the importance of what was lost and understanding how there can be a continued connection or legacy to who / what has been lost, by finding a way to carry the memories and lessons from the past forward into the future.
Transformation of pain: Neimeyer’s model encourages us to view our grief as a transformative process and an active meaning-making process, which can lead to personal growth, increased resilience and deep wisdom.
This model is flexible and can be applied to different types of loss, including grief after divorce, job loss, the ending of a significant relationship, or another major life change that brings feelings of grief.
How your therapist might use Neimeyer’s model during grief counselling
The goal of grief counselling is to support the processing of grief for what was lost, whether that was a person or pet, a treasured job, physical or psychological loss, or any other significant loss.
Grief counsellors working with Neimeyer’s model are like a guide, supporting clients to explore and articulate their grief, and to find meaning and healing in the process.
They may do this through:
Active Listening and Validation: A therapist’s skill lies in being completely present with a client in their experience. With a grieving client, the counsellor will start by creating a safe and empathetic space where the client feels comfortable and is welcomed to share their experience of loss. Through actively listening and validating your feelings, you may feel heard and understood which can provide significant relief from the overwhelming experience of grief.
Storytelling: In processing grief, it’s important to have opportunities to share your story of loss. In counselling, this can involve sharing the details and/or memories of what happened, the relationship with the person or thing that you have lost, and the impact it has had on your life. Storytelling allows for deeper processing of your experiences and emotions.
Exploration of Beliefs and Assumptions: Neimeyer's model includes the examination of beliefs and assumptions related to the loss. Working with a grief therapist can help you to identify and explore these beliefs, and to decide which are helpful and which may be hindering your grieving process.
Identifying Grief Triggers: A grief counsellor will work with you to identify any triggers that are intensifying your grief. These triggers could be certain places, anniversaries, objects, or even specific thoughts. Understanding these triggers can help clients to better navigate their grief.
Integration of the Loss: Neimeyer’s model includes spending time integrating the loss into your life story, and understanding how the loss has influenced your identity, values, and goals. A counsellor may also encourage clients to explore how they can weave the memory of the lost person (or whatever it is that has been lost) into their present and future.
Creating a New Narrative: A counsellor using Neimeyer’s model may encourage clients to actively construct a new narrative for their life that includes the loss. This narrative will usually focus on personal growth, resilience, and finding meaning in adversity. In this way, this model of grief can support someone to find meaning and purpose from their experiences.
Rituals and Symbolism: Loss and death are often surrounded by different symbolism and rituals, and these can play a significant role in processing grief. A grief counsellor may collaborate with you to develop meaningful rituals or symbolic acts that honour the memory of the lost person or thing. This can include activities like creating a memorial, planting a tree, or participating in community events.
Support Networks: Grief can feel isolating, and it's important to find trusted and supportive networks of friends, family, peers and/or professional supporters who are there for you during this time. A counsellor can help you to identify and engage with support networks, including grief support groups and others in your life who can provide practical and emotional support. These networks are often key to the meaning-making process, as they can offer different perspectives and opportunities for connection.
Goal Setting: As you move through grief, there will be a natural evolution of sense of self and purpose. Grief counsellors can support people to set new goals and aspirations that reflect these changes and align with new and developing narratives and meanings that have come out of the loss.
Continued Self-Reflection: Grief is not a one-time process. Instead, it’s an evolving one. Having space to revisit your beliefs, emotions and narratives through ongoing self-reflection and exploration supports you as you continue to make meaning from this experience.
2. Dual Process Model of Grief
This model recognises that grief involves two processes: one focused on (i) the feelings of loss (or the Loss-Oriented Stressors), and the other on (ii) rebuilding life after loss (Restoration-Oriented Stressors).
(i) Loss Oriented Stressors
These stressors are the emotional and psychological aspects of grief that arise directly from the loss itself, including:
Grief Work: The emotional work involved in processing the loss, experiencing the pain, sadness, and grief associated with it, and adjusting to a world without the person or thing that has been lost.
Confrontation of Emotions: Individuals facing loss need to confront and express their emotions, which is a crucial part of healing. It involves acknowledging the depth of their sadness, anger, or other emotions.
Acceptance of the Reality of the Loss: Coming to terms with the fact that the loved one is no longer physically present is a central aspect of grief. This process takes time and emotional energy.
(ii) Restoration-Oriented Stressors
These stressors are related to the practical aspects of adapting to life without the person or thing that was lost, and include:
Life Changes and Practical Adjustments: After a loss, we may need to make various life changes, such as managing daily responsibilities that were previously shared (e.g., household tasks, childcare).
Building a New Identity: After a loss, we often need to re-establish our sense of identity and roles in the absence of the person who has died.
Engaging in New Relationships and Activities: Part of the healing process involves reconnecting with the world and engaging in new relationships, interests, and activities.
The Dual Process Model explains that coping with grief involves moving between these two sets of stressors.
How your therapist might use Dual Process during grief counselling
Within this framework of grief processing, individuals are supported to move back and forth between addressing the emotional impact of their loss (Loss-Oriented Stressors), and focusing on practical, life-oriented issues (Restoration-Oriented Stressors).
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and this model recognises that it is normal and healthy to switch between grief processes as part of the healing journey. It emphasises the importance of balancing grief work with the need to continue living and making practical adjustments in the face of loss.
How grief counselling supports grief processing
Within these two models of grief, therapists play a vital role in helping clients find new meaning from their experiences of loss. Therapists can support their clients in the healing journey, by drawing on these models to help individuals to emerge stronger, wiser, and with a renewed sense of purpose.
Grief counselling is all about providing you with compassionate guidance and support. It’s a space for your feelings to be honoured, to develop strategies and routines and support you short-term and gradually to rebuild a fulfilling and meaningful life after loss.
As a counsellor experienced in working with grief, I appreciate the confusion, isolation and heaviness that grief can bring with it. I offer 1:1 grief counselling, to support you through your grieving experience. Together, we can work on an individualised approach to your needs, with strategies and supports that suit your goals and your lifestyle.
You don’t have to carry your grief alone.
Learn more about me and my approach to counselling.
References
Neimeyer, R. A. (2015). Techniques of grief therapy: Creative practices for counseling the bereaved. Routledge.