Reflecting: Celebrating Achievements and Learning from Challenges
Do you stop and take time to celebrate your achievements and learnings?
Whether it is looking at the year that’s gone by, the month that’s just closed, or the day you’ve just lived, below are some enquiry questions that may help with this process.
The practice of reflection
Reflection is of significant benefit. It is a tool which supports growing self-awareness and can be used to affirm the good - what’s going well, what you’re appreciating, how you’ve grown or changed, and what you’ve learned. It can be a way to reflect on what you may have done differently, what you want to do more of, and what you wish to not do again.
In coaching language we would summarise this as writing down:
1) what went well, and I will continue to do
2) what I would do differently if faced with a similar situation, and how that could look based on what I’ve learned
3) what do I want to stop doing, and what are the things I need to consider in supporting myself in not continuing this behaviour or activity.
I like to include language that’s inclusive of what I’m celebrating (this broadens out the ‘what went well’ question). And what do I want to do more of - what’s something that’s aligned with the person I want to be (my core values).
As a humanistic therapist who believes we are naturally born to continue toward growth (with the sufficient conditions), in this lifetime, I see reflection as a valuable instrument in enhancing this personal growth.
My invitation to you is to take a moment to celebrate your achievements and learn from the challenges that came with the last year, the last month, or yesterday.
Here are some further prompts to support you
Celebrating Achievements:
Ask yourself, ‘What is something I have achieved, big or small’; something I’m proud of, or have done in adverse conditions, or is aligned with the person I wish to become, really focused on through intention, and gave it a go. This could relate to something in your work or study, efforts in a relationship or interactions with others, or in your home life.
As a therapist I see the human ‘default mode’ of so easily looking for something to criticise or judge; about yourself, or someone else. I like this step of celebrating achievements as it offers a counter stance to this natural tendency by deliberately focusing on the good. Also, in Australia where Tall Poppy syndrome is common, we can be averse to sharing and celebrating what we are good at. It’s not a culturally or societally encouraged practice. So we tend not to be so practised in doing this.
I invite you to have a go, see if you can write down some celebrations and personal achievements and take a moment to pause and soak them up - savour them as Dr Rick Hanson PhD has formulated. Whether you re-live the memory as he explains, or simply breathe it in as you acknowledge it, give it the time it deserves to be celebrated..
Learning from Challenges:
“I realised that I needed the dark and the light to be a whole person. Trying to be happy by neglecting the harsh reality of my emotional world didn’t work. All colours and shades of reality are experienced and by allowing these, without judgement, my heart opened to me. Self-love always starts with ‘holding the hurt.”
Just as we can’t have flowers without the rain, challenges are part of life and offer us a contrast in life to appreciate the good.
What was difficult for you in the last year or month? What have you learned from those challenges? How did you overcome them, or move through them? Who supported you? Who did you reach out to? or what did you do to support yourself through these experiences? Have they had an impact on your personal growth? In what way? Could they be seen as building your resilience? Can you take a moment to congratulate yourself for managing or navigating these challenges?
Enquiring with further questions can give you the opportunity to notice more clearly what helps and what is less helpful when you experience difficulties, for future reference.
Some Self-Reflection Prompts from these achievements and challenges:
What were some of my achievements in the last year? Scan for the subtle ones, not just looking for big, or ‘significant’ things you’ve attained.
What were the most challenging moments I faced? Add in ‘what did I learn from them?’
How have my experiences in the last year shaped my personal growth and well-being? How have I changed, or how am I changing?
What values do I want to demonstrate more of in the coming year?
What intentions do I want to bring into this next phase of my life?
The role of Self-Compassion:
Please do infuse your self-reflection with self-compassion. Be kind and understanding of yourself and your situation. Speak to yourself as you would a dear friend.
Self-reflection is about understanding yourself more and this includes being okay with making mistakes and appreciating you are human, and not a robot that can be programmed to behave in a certain way no matter what comes its way. Humans have emotions, and a mind that makes personal meaning of situations and interactions. This means even with the best intentions you may behave in a different way to how you had wished. And that’s okay. The first step in changing is self-awareness, and self-reflection supports this. Next comes the step of determining what would be supportive of you continuing to behave more in the ways you want to.
This is where a therapist or coach could be a helpful person to travel alongside you and bring their skills and experience of working with people through change, into the mix.
Planning for the year ahead:
As you reflect on the last year, use the insights you’ve learned to inform how you’d like this coming year to be for you. From this set your intentions and goals. Your reflections can guide you in determining what’s important to you, what helps you to feel purposeful, and gives your life meaning.
If you would like support in working on a plan for the coming year, this is something I often do with my clients. We can work with a coaching style to set a vision and goals, the steps to take, the obstacles to mitigate, and the habits to form in creating the change you wish for.
Along with individual counselling and coaching sessions, I also offer mindfulness and wellbeing programs.
Nicky is a qualified and registered Counsellor & Psychotherapist, Mindfulness Meditation Teacher and Yoga Teacher. With lived experience of stress, anxiety and overwhelm in her previous corporate career, Nicky is equipped personally and professionally to support you with tools and techniques to manage these life challenges.
Get in touch with Nicky