A powerful CBT Technique - ‘The ABC Coping Sentence’ by Dr Claire Hayes
Are you someone who often feels overwhelmed, anxious, or stressed under the weight of expectations? If so, you’re not alone. The demands of a busy career, personal life, and the drive for success can make it hard to manage your emotions effectively. But what if there was a simple tool to help you feel more in control, even on those days when your mind seems to be ruling your life?
One of my favorite Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) tools comes from psychologist Dr. Claire Hayes, and it’s called ‘The ABC Coping Sentence.’ This tool gives you a simple structure to understand and manage your emotions constructively, empowering you to make choices that support your well-being.
‘The Coping Sentence’ Structure
Dr. Claire Hayes designed ‘The ABC Coping Sentence’ to help her clients articulate and reframe their thoughts and emotions. The structure is simple yet significantly impactful, especially for those who are navigating the pressures of high achievement:
There are 3 parts to this Coping Sentence:
A - Acknowledge: Recognize how you are feeling.
B - Because: Link your feeling to something that makes sense (either in reality or in relation to what you’re thinking).
C - Choose: Commit to the behavior or action you choose to do that would be helpful.
For example:
“I am feeling... because (thought or situation)... but I choose to... (the action you will take – this could be doing something or thinking something that is helpful).”
Dr. Claire Hayes talks through ‘The ABC Coping Sentence’ and guides you through a practice here.
Breaking Down ‘The Coping Sentence’
A (Acknowledge): Identify the Feeling
Start by acknowledging your emotions. Are you feeling anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed? As a high achiever, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and overlook how you’re really feeling. This first part of the coping sentence encourages you to articulate the emotion you are experiencing.
B (Because): Explore ‘How Come’ or ‘How Come Now’
This step brings awareness to what prompted your emotional state. As a high achiever, you may often feel pressure from work, deadlines, or personal expectations. Here, you explore what triggers or activates you. It could be a situation, event, person, or even a time of day. By identifying this, you validate your feelings and begin to understand why you’re feeling this way.
For example, “I am feeling anxious because I have a presentation at work, and I am thinking, ‘what if I make a mistake.’”
C (Choose): A Powerful Reminder That You Have a Choice
The transformative aspect of ‘The Coping Sentence’ lies in this last part. This is where you consciously choose the course of your attention or action. Whether it’s reframing your thoughts, taking a break, or seeking support, this step empowers you to move forward constructively.
For example, “But I choose to remind myself that I am well-prepared and will practice box breathing to calm my nervous system and stay present.”
Bringing ‘The Coping Sentence’ to life.
To help bring this to life for you, here is an example of ‘The Coping Sentence’ in an everyday life situation:
"I am feeling anxious because I have a presentation at work, and I am thinking ‘what if I make a mistake’. But I choose to reframe my thoughts by reminding myself, ‘I am well-prepared, and I will also practice box breathing for a couple of minutes right now, and again before the presentation, to calm my nervous system and support me in staying present.’”
This practical tool empowers you to access the choice that is always available to you. It can take some practice to recognise, articulate, and acknowledge what you are feeling. But it’s worth taking the time to learn and practice this coping skill. Over time, it will foster resilience and support a stronger sense of self.
Tailoring ‘The Coping Sentence’ to Your Situation
Here are some examples of how you can use ‘The ABC Coping Sentence’ in various situations:
Feeling Overwhelmed with Work: "I am feeling overwhelmed because my work is piling up, and I see no end in sight. But I choose to break down my tasks, prioritise them, and ask for help when needed. I remind myself that it helps when I do this."
Dealing with Social Anxiety: "I am feeling anxious about going to the party because I think I’m going to be judged. But I choose to challenge negative thoughts by reminding myself that people are usually more worried about themselves than me, and I will focus on being present rather than dwelling on perceived judgments."
Coping with a Relationship Conflict: "I am feeling upset because of something my partner did, and I worry about what this means for our relationship. But I choose to communicate openly, expressing my feelings calmly and actively listening to what they say."
These examples show how adaptable the ABC Coping Sentence is, making it a valuable tool for managing the unique challenges of a high-achieving lifestyle, and putting you back in control of your thoughts.
Conclusion: Your Invitation to Take Action
I hope you can see that ‘The Coping Sentence’ is a flexible tool that can be adapted to various situations. By using this technique, you can reframe unhelpful thoughts, move through emotional states, and take active steps toward positive change.
If you find it challenging to practice this on your own, or if you’d like personalised guidance in navigating your thoughts and emotions, I’m here to help. Working with a professional can provide deeper insights and strategies that are tailored to your unique experience.
Feel free to reach out if you’d like to explore how your thoughts and emotions are impacting your behavior or if you need support in making the changes you wish for.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
You can read more in Dr Claire Harris’s books ‘How to Cope’ and ‘Finding Hope in the Age of Anxiety’ among others.
Some further examples of using the ABC Coping Sentence.
a) Fears or Worries:
I am feeling worried about abc because I’m not sure about the outcome of this situation. But I choose to focus on the steps I can take, what I can control, and asking for support from xyz.
b) Panic Attack:
I am experiencing a panic attack because my body is reacting to perceived threats. But I choose to ground myself in the present moment through deep breathing exercises, reassuring self-talk, and reminding myself that the panic will pass.
c) Not Able to Sleep:
I am having difficulty sleeping because my mind is racing with thoughts. But I choose to take some time to create a calming bedtime routine, practise relaxation techniques, and redirect my thoughts to positive imagery to promote restful sleep.
d) Experiencing Stress:
I am feeling stressed due to the overwhelming demands on my time. But I choose to pause, then write down all the things, check what I can delegate or delete, and then choose the one thing I will do first, reminding myself ‘stay with one task at a time’.
e) Triggered by a Family Member:
I am feeling triggered by a family member saying/doing…….. ‘abc’ because it brings up past hurts. But I choose to set boundaries, communicate my feelings assertively, and seek support from a trusted friend or therapist to navigate this situation for a different outcome.
f) Feeling Stuck and in a Rut:
I am feeling stuck and in a rut because my routine has become monotonous. But I choose to make a phone call to a trusted friend (or therapist) to get some support in shifting this. I will ask them to help me explore what can help me to reignite my sense of purpose.
g) Low on Energy:
I am feeling low on energy because I’m mentally fatigued from working so much. But I choose to prioritise myself by taking some rest, and engaging in activities that bring me joy, to replenish my energy levels. See this blog on self-care to help with further action steps.
h) Time Constrained:
I am feeling time-constrained because of all of my commitments. But I choose to check in for what I can say no to, prioritise what’s front of mind, delegate what I can, and check in with a friend / colleague / therapist to help me set realistic expectations of myself and my time.
i) Needing to Speak in Public:
I am feeling nervous about speaking in public because I am so afraid of judgement. But I choose to focus on the message I want to convey, ask a friend/colleague/therapist to help me practise and prepare, and acknowledge the evidence of my efforts and capability, through speaking with these support people.
j) Fear of Judgment:
I am feeling anxious because I’m worried about what is going to happen when…... But I choose to challenge negative thoughts, focus on my strengths, and recognise that I am not alone; other people have insecurities. And I can reach out for support from… (insert - friend name / family member name / colleague name / therapist name).
k) Overthinking:
I am feeling overwhelmed from (because I am) overthinking a situation, and replaying scenarios in my mind. But I choose to acknowledge that overthinking is unproductive, shift my focus to the present by doing the grounding practices I have learned, and create a list of small, actionable steps to address the issue.
l) Avoiding Situations:
I am avoiding a situation because I’m feeling uncomfortable. But I choose to 1) ask for help to work through this OR 2) confront my fears gradually, breaking each situation into its smallest step, and rewarding myself for facing challenges. Reminding myself that this is the way I build resilience.
m) Emotionally Reactive:
I am reacting emotionally (the because) to a situation, and my emotions are overwhelming (feeling). But I choose to pause, take a deep breath, and reflect on the situation objectively before responding (e.g. waiting for an hour). By choosing this I am approaching challenges with a clearer mindset.
n) Feeling Disconnected to Family and Friends:
I am feeling disconnected from my family and friends because I don’t have any energy to do more than I have to. But I choose to make an appointment with my GP to check my bloods, and speak with a caring friend or family member about how I’m feeling, and ask for their support in staying connected.
o) Not Looking After Self:
I am neglecting self-care because of so many responsibilities on my plate. But I choose to remember what my therapist taught me about setting boundaries (e.g. 1. where I need to say no, and 2. how I can redirect responsibility to the most appropriate person), and setting an alarm on my phone to remind me to go to bed on time.
p) Lack of Balance in Life:
I am feeling imbalanced in various aspects of my life. But I choose to use the Wheel of Life template to reassess my priorities, set realistic goals, and revise my time spent on work, relationships, self-care, and hobbies, to achieve the balance and fulfilment I wish for.
q) Not Feeling a Sense of Purpose or Meaning in Life:
I am struggling because I have a lack of purpose or meaning in my life. But I choose to explore my passions, set meaningful goals, and engage in activities that align with my values. By shifting my focus in this way I know it can lead me to discover a greater sense of purpose.
r) I have No Hobbies/Interests:
I am feeling unfulfilled because I don’t have any interests that bring me joy and fulfilment. But I choose to explore new interests, join ‘abc’ club (e.g. hiking, baking etc.) or ‘xyz’ class (yoga, aerobics, cake decorating), and dedicate time for me to participate in activities that light me up.
As you can see, these coping sentences are adaptable and can be modified to suit your circumstances.
Coping sentences offer you a guide for reframing unhelpful thoughts, moving through emotional states, and creating ideas for taking action despite the challenging situation you are in.
If you’d like to work with a counsellor, please feel free to reach out to me. We can work together on an individualised approach to suit your needs, with strategies that align with your goals and your lifestyle.